Dear Eddie:

I'm sorry that you came last, after the girlie paraphernalia appeared in the house. I promise I don't need another girl, but you have so much hair in front I couldn't resist.

They go so well with your eyes, which I think are going to turn out to be green. Lovely color.

If it makes you feel better, your older brothers had to make do with mom's panty hose. Back in the days when she wore panty hose.

Don't look at me like that. I have my own issues to deal with. And they don't involve my mom putting clippies in my hair.